Once upon a time I worked at an adversiting agency. I was so, so happy there: amazing people, amazing projects, amazing opportunities, amazing money. Then I realized that the 12 hour days were all for selling someone a shoe that they probably couldn’t afford in the first place. So I decided I’d like to try my hand at something a little more.. challenging. More rewarding. I jumped ship and went to a startup.

That was a fantastic experience. It was my second job. And it was everything I imagined. Yes the work was way challenging, and yes the whole thing was just plain difficult. But at the end of the day? We had made something that people could actually use. And not for furthering their retarded online presence; no, this was a Good Thing. I believed in it.

But then it all came to a shuddering, creaking halt. I (and some others) were let go slash asked to leave. This put me in the (unenviable) position of being a Recession Statistic. And here I was, thinking, “oh, yeah right! I’ll never get laid off! I’m so valuable, and my industry? It’s the best and most resiliant.” But, the fact remains. Two weeks of severence and some vacation pay. With $2,000 in rent due at the end of the week, a brand new car, and plenty of shoes to pay for.

It was… hard. That’s kind of an understatement. To understand why, you kind of have to know who I am, in real life. I’m not someone who gets fired. I’m not someone without a plan. I’m someone who has a very, very clearly charted path and what do you mean it’s all fucked up now and glanced off to the side like that?!

I basically drank myself stupid over the next two weeks. I’m very fortunate with the number of connections I made over just a couple years, so getting a new job was hardly a problem. But the whole experience is not something I’ll soon forget: having to call my mom (who I support entirely) and say, “Yeah, so… I don’t have a job any more. Next month’s rent? No idea how I’m going to pay it.”

[A brief intejection: I’m 21. “Savings” is not something I’m familiar with. In fact, all those ING Savings Account ads I see? They translate to YSL’s new loafers.]

So, to the point. Now, in The Future, where things are finally nice and stable again (I love my new job, I’m making more money, and everything is awesome), I’m able to reflect on how I got to this point in my life. And when I do, I realize that everything that has happened to me thus far has been a blessing. Please don’t think I mean anything religious or spiritual by that; I’m pretty sure all of that is bullshit. What I’m trying to say is that, wow, there’s this road I’ve been on and yeah it had some rural Alabama-style potholes in it, but ultimately? I’ve come out unscathed.

Anyway. The whole point is that I’ve finally realized I don’t resent anything that’s happened to me. Yeah there was a lot of personal complete-fucking-bullshit in there, but you know? That’s people.

—

Ultimately I think this is for me; a chance to release all the pent-up emotions I’ve kept in so expertly over the last few months. But if you were to take anything from it, I hope it’s that no one should dwell in the past. Sure it might’ve sucked, most of it was probably awful (and pointless), but guess what? There’s nothing but what’s happening right now. </Buddhism>

No one’s reading this, but if by chance you stumble across it? Big hug.

Ronnie is one of my best friends, and just turned 10 years older than me (we’re off by a few months).

Me: *middle finger*
Ronnie: tsk tsk
Ronnie: sooooo rude.
Me: haha
Me: you’re right, i should respect my elders
Ronnie: *middle finger*

Every so often I feel like I should write something. Tonight was one such night and then wouldn’t you know it, Tumblr decided Hey, actually I’m going to suck and defy all rules of logic and by the time you’ve got it all sorted? Yeah, you’ll be over it. Then it was 12:30 and only college students stay up this late anymore so I’m basically screwed for tomorrow.

Anyway. This is mostly for those bored afternoons at work when all I have to do is read about Elton John on Wikipedia.

As if any of this means anything. I’ll probably forget I made this then get drunk one night and embarrass myself. As usually.